100% Slither, 0% Fillion

Grant Grant (Michael Rooker) thinks that Nathan Fillion may be getting a little to much face time here at Grill Wilson. His movie Slither has more to offer than just Fillion, and he’s here to prove it. I know what you’re thinking…his name really is Grant Grant, I checked. Any movie with a double named character is fit for the full on grill analysis.

This cat is looking a little too comfortable with that cigarette. What the hell kind of priest looks like he’d be more at home in an episode of The Wire? I’ll tell you what kind; one tailor made for this blog.

This guy credited as “Drawing Boy” (Dustin Milligan) has earned his way into this post with a pretty sharp triangle-mouth smile. Owen Wilson, the pseudo father of Grill Wilson, would be proud. Interestingly enough, Dustin parlayed this isosceles smile into a lead role on The CW’s 90210.

This leads us to the star of this post, facially speaking. Meet the honorable Mayor Jack MacReady (Gregg Henry). He follows in the footsteps of other fictional scumbag mayors such as Diamond Joe Quimby in his scumbaggedness. Along the way he drops some facial bombs for all to enjoy.

Here he is doing his best Ace Ventura impersonation, despite the fact that his windshield is very much in tact.

I realize this one is pretty subdued for me, just keep in mind I’m setting you up for the big payoff.

This potentially is the most loaded grill of all time. The sheer amount of celebrity look-alikes they found to fill this one frame is astounding. It would be a huge mistake to miss appearances by Kyle Gass, my dad, David Crosby, Yoko Ono, and a blurry Ed Norton. The real prize here is the Seann William Scott doppelganger on the left, with a third-rate Condoleezza Rice impersonator to his left. Oh shit, is that Bill Duke right to the left of Ed Norton’s fist? This one is overloading my senses.

Here’s that payoff I was speaking off.

Despite the copious amounts of comedy and funny faces displayed thus far, Slither does contain horror elements. Witness Shelby (Jenna Fischer) being so scared that she is about to swallow that microphone. Flimsy, I know, I was really just looking for an excuse to fit Jenna Fischer into this post. Think what you will of this one. Playing another receptionist are we? I hope you don’t get typecast.

The real beauty of this one is that Mayor MacReady isn’t making a sheer terror face. He’s just fucking pissed off that Jenna Fischer’s character forgot to pack his Mr. Pibb soft drink in his cooler. It seems like an overreaction, but if you’ve ever tasted the sweet nectar of Mr. Pibb, you’d empathize with MacReady’s plight. I’m also aware that the blurry head of Nathan Fillion that fills up about 50% of the frame would serve to discredit the title of this post. Since his face is not the main attraction and isn’t even in focus, I feel that the title remains credible.

Starla Grant (Elizabeth Banks) has had to cope with the fact that her already creepy husband, had been possessed by a killer alien that is slowly infecting the whole town. To soothe her pain, she stabs the shit out of one of the aforementioned infected townsfolk. Looks like hard-scorn to me.

This movie has EVERYTHING!!! Including cannibalism. Rush out and make it a part of your collection today!!

– Boris

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