Con Hair

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Meet Nic Cage, fresh out of the military and ready to spend some quality time catching up with his sweetheart. Please take careful note of his “I’m a chump” haircut. That thing’s going to change drastically in a minute here.

Yeah, I just got out of the military, but I think I’m gonna have to straight up murder this guy real quick. By accident.

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Ok, fast forward to some brooding in the slammer.

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Now for a quick jail-time work out.

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Baby, I love it here in The Clink! Now it’s bromance time, sons!

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Hey, while we’re being transferred to the plane, could you tell me who else is in this fine film?

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Oh, Mr. Malkovich.

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Ahhhh, smells like… freedom!

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Lemme just do it this way:

Guess who’s about to make your Dayjo.

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Oh snap! Chappelle’s along for the ride as well.

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Ving Rhames having a shocking experience.

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Let’s not fight, Danny. Let’s have a grill-off instead.

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Ok, Nic. Anyone else getting a little THC vibe from this one?

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Ah, Danny, you bested me.

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But the bromance lives on.

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Looks like Chappelle wants you to know that you’re #1 with him!

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Cusack is in this pile, too, but his expression rarely changes. He’s a tough one to grill.

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Oh, hi Ving. What a smarmy little grill you have there.

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Oh crap! Chappelle just died. Twice.

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For Ving, it’s a celebration!

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Oh no! My boyfr- I mean, this dude just got shot!

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Whoa, he totally got shot. Dude.

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“Ah say-id, put the bunny back in the box.”

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You mean, this bunny?

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Hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?

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Hey yeah, you’re that guy!

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Now for some random grills.

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Triple head.

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Ok, ok. Let’s get back to some beautiful Caged action.

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I can’t quite tell if he looks more like an eagle or an angel in this next sequence.

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You know what he’s thinking here? “You just can’t CAGE this RAGE.”

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Here it go.

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Ving Rhames!

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Back to the RAGE!

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Here he’s making the Prince noise. “Nnnhhhuuuhhh.”

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Oh, we landed. It’s over!

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NOT. Watch as the NIC is released from its CAGE.

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Whoops! Look who got away.

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Eeaaaaaayyyyy. It’s all good.

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-christoph

2 thoughts on “Con Hair”

  1. I can’t say that I’m happy that you beat me to the punch with the Nic Cage post, but boy is it a doosy. You’ve somehow managed to make Cage’s hair look even worse than it normally does. It’s almost too good.

  2. Chris, you really outdid yourself here. Cage hits all the necessary grill high notes. I particularly enjoy the machine gun grill barrage I got hit with towards the end from Cage. Excellent use of the animated gif as well. The short two frame ones work just as well as my personal fave, Chapelle falling to his green screen death. The guy in the car that Dave falls on has a comically shaped head. Almost perfectly round. To juxtapose this you brilliantly drew attention to Colm Meaney’s straight up rectangle shaped head, no curves. I love it. Last but not least, if you through some feathers into a headband and put it on Danny Trejo’s head, he’d be T. Hawk.

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