Guerrilla Grilla chapter 3: The 2010 Golden Grillz.


Welcome to the 2010 Golden Globes. Hollywood’s best and brightest came out the Beverly Hilton to put in some major work. Luckily, I was in front of my television with a camera, ready and waiting. Courtney Cox here can’t decide if the whole ordeal is above or below her. David Arquette is just happy to have a camera on him again.


Jeremy Piven gave the best “I know I’m not going to win so I’ll just smile happily” face pretty early on in the evening.


Kevin Bacon toyed with the auto-pilot controls of his body while lazily clapping for some category he didn’t give a shit about.


Jon Hamm of Mad Men fame probably figured he wasn’t going to win, but he didn’t let that keep him from growing this show-stopping beard. It’s as dark as the deepest reaches of space.


Stanley Tucci took a break from doing AT&T commercial voice overs to lay this interesting face on us. Don’t ignore the vacant stare and mannequin-like posture of Keifer Sutherland right behind him.


Kevin Dillon is just happy to be more relevant than his brother Matt.


Sam Jackson’s head looks like it’s being swallowed by his dress shirt. Quentin is on auto-pilot as well.


Matt Damon knows he isn’t going to win, just like Morgan Freeman (who is smart enough to get some Red in).


Chiwetel Ejiofor is too cool for school and he fucking KNOWS it.


Fairly standard fare here, not much to look at. Try not to ignore that Tobey Maguire is putting more effort into looking on stage than he did in all of Spider-Man 3.


I really loved Avatar. Having said that though, and its hard to really convey in a still image, but Sam Worthington is actually more wooden as a real person. When he was presenting this award, he literally brought zero charisma with him on stage. He’s the anti-Keanu Reeves. Thing is, I actually think the guy is a decent actor. So maybe he’s just saving it for the camera.


Is that Tom Jane? It IS Tom Jane.


And here’s Arnold with about 15% Sigourney Weaver. Things are about to get serious.


Hey Brendan Fraser, your collar is fighting for its life there.


This is Jeremy Renner of The Hurt Locker giving the “Nobody really knows who I am” face.


Joseph Gordon Levitt was up for Best Actor (Comedy or Musical) and his starring movie 500 Days of Summer was up for Best Picture (Comedy or Musical). He and the movie took home exactly zero trophies. But dammit it all if he wasn’t the happiest guy there. He acted like he had been there before even though he clearly hadn’t.


I managed to catch Tom Hanks in a pleasantly awkward moment.


Jeff Bridges ended up taking home Best Actor (Drama) and was very thankful to his co-stars. None more than this next man.


You can thank the camera man who framed this one more than me. Luckily for us though I caught it. Colin Farrell co-starred with Jeff Bridges in Crazy Heart as well as this great moment in Bromanticism.


Now that you can see more than 15% of Colin’s head, the man-love jumping off of Colin’s gelled out hair is more palpable. Much love.


Say hello to Jason Reitman, son of Ivan Reitman and director of such indie flavored studio pics like Juno and Thank You for Smoking. He had earlier in the night won Best Screenplay for his work on Up in the Air and was obviously feeling good about his chances for either Best Director (Drama) or Best Picture (Drama).


Unfortunately for Jason, a much more accomplished director, James Cameron, won both Best Director and Best Picture for his work on Avatar.


Sorry Jason, I know you thought you had done everything in your power to win the big awards. I mean you had George Clooney playing himself with restraint and underlying subtext. You threw on some indie rock to the soundtrack to add more artistic credibility. I haven’t seen Up in the Air, but isn’t it pretty similar to Thank you for Smoking. In that you have Aaron Eckart playing a guy who gets on a lot of planes while lobbying for big tobacco. In this one you have George Clooney getting on a lot of planes to go and fire people from their jobs. They both are basically unlikable characters made likable by your quirky directing sensibilities and the fact that both of the actors are in fact…likable. You didn’t really expect to beat Cameron did you? I know what you’re gonna say though, just like everyone else who had something bad to say about Avatar, “The story sucked”. Well that’s why YOU won best screenplay and Cameron wasn’t even nominated. Be happy with what you got and I’m sure you’ll eventually get a big award in a year where James Cameron doesn’t make any movies.


Quentin here has just realized no matter what he does, nobody will EVER give him an award.


This is the moment George Lucas realized he was obsolete. If you think Avatar‘s dialogue is bad, try to watch some Attack of the Clones, it’s fucking horrendous.


2 thoughts on “Guerrilla Grilla chapter 3: The 2010 Golden Grillz.”

  1. This post is destroying me. Arquette pulled a chuckle out of me to start things off, but then Piven blew it up (and don’t miss Dillon’s “taken aback” stare in the background). Bacon’s got some major vacancy going on, and as I scrolled through the rest of the post, I realized that was kind of par for the course. And by Blackbeard’s ghost! Is that Jon Hamm?! I didn’t even recognize him! Now, that’s a keen observation about Toby Maguire, but the first thing I thought when I saw that picture was, “Holy crap, is that William H. Macy?” Oh man, there is so much going on here! Tom Janes sideburns, Arnold lookin like he’s pushing one out, Brendan “my head got huge” Fraser, JGL, Tom Hanks’ effeminate smile, Colin Farrell (looking like Neumann in the first pic), and Jason Reitman’s hopes and dreams shattering before our very eyes. It’s almost too much to handle. Almost. Thank you Boris. Well done.

  2. I didn’t think I’d have to scroll past Samuel L. Honestly, I wasn’t sure it could get better than that. Then Arnold hit, followed by Brendan Fraser and his magical exploding neckline. Then I lost it. 15% Farrell. Choked up at my desk. If I was drinking cafeteria milk, it would have shot out of my nose Milhouse style. Then, the icing on the cake: Lucas’ amazing, face-shrinking, turkey neck. Bravo Boris.

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