Don’t be mistaken, you got to see Breakin’! Part 1

Meet Ozone (aka Adolfo ‘Shabba-Doo’ Quinones), the funkiest and freshest streetdancer in LA. Him and his friend Turbo (aka Michael ‘Boogaloo Shrimp’ Chambers) are gonna stop, pop and lock their way into grill infamy! But before they do that, they have to break with the likes of Franco the dance instructor and rival streetdancers Electro Rock. So sit back and be prepared to get served….amazing grillz that is!

Is there something in my eye?

This is Turbo. He’s got an enormous amount of eyelid fat.

He distracts everyone from this fact by wearing a coat made from a Black Bear and doing a zombie walk.

This is who I call Breakin’ Kid. He doesn’t really have a name or a family for that matter, but he sure does love to break.

Turbo and Breakin’ Kid demonstrate the rarely seen pop, lock and hug.

And this is Kelly. She’s 80’s hot.

Kelly’s boss is a sweaty dude. My guess is that he’s been eating a lot of that Hot Turkey and Chili on his menu.

Kelly gets away from her smelly boss by going to Franco’s Dance Academy….

…and by tossing these dead faces around carelessly.

Franco loves it so much, he could rip her heart out.

Take a close look at this one. Reminds me of a certain Nick Martinelli.

Franco pines for Kelly’s sweaty embrace.

“I’m up here Franco!”

This guy is Kelly’s dance partner Adam. He prefers camel tail over camel toe, if you know what I mean.

This guy peepin in on the right knows exactly what I mean.

I love Adam’s purple accessories. I also love his sweater made of zippers and his giant metal belt.

“Ooooohhh, you like my pink towel too?”

“Maybe I’ll strangle you with it later!” Sorry for the Psycho Killer moment.

I think the tight pants are finally getting to Adam.

Oh wait, I think he might like it.

He loves it!

“Hey Kelly, you know who would really like my tight pants? My guy friends, Ozone and Turbo! Lets go meet up with them!”

Ok, in this next part, lets play a game called “Where’s Van Damme”. It’s like Where’s Waldo except there’s more Jean Claude and one piece leotards.

This guy brings us in with an impressive stalker walk.

My man on the right begins with a carefully aimed fart. His partner don’t like it.

This guy loves it!

Gases him right off the stage.

This guy shows how to really break wind on the dance floor, with an impressive leg spread. Van Damme also gets in on the action.

Ozone and Turbo do not approve of the foul stench.

Mr. Spread Leg demonstrates how to do it while standing.

“Smells like butt sex out here!”

“Hurry, lets find my boys!”

“I think Ozone and Turbo are up next!”

“Ozone is dreamy…”

This is how we chest bump on the street!

Chest bumpin’ extreme!!!

Van Damme gives an impressive flex, but still doesn’t get invited to join the party proper.

This one’s mainly for the creepy stalker dad in the background, but there’s also pimp nasty peepin over Ozone’s arm.

Pimp Nasty loves it!

So do the Gas Brothers from earlier.

Time for some pelvic thrusting!

Enhance!

Adam couldn’t be happier about this turn of events.

Ozone finally notices Adam and greats him with a big “HEEEEYYY!!”

Turbo really needs to invest in a pair of sunglasses.

“Come here, give me some sugah!”

“My how you’ve grown, in all the right places…”

“You know it brotha!”

Its Adam’s turn now. Please note the dude all the way on the right, flat out amazed by Adam’s package.

“This is what I call my Meat Spin”

“Heeeeyyyaaahhh!!!”

“Kelly! You and me girlfriend!”

Ozone tries to get Kelly to dance by sporting an impressive triangle smile.

“Gahead girl!”

These guys back here are straight up goofballin’.

“Girls smell funny.”

“I point and laugh at you!”

“Lets sword fight! Wait, that’s not gonna work.”

“Hey Ozone, want to switch out with Kelly, so we can do this sword fight thing?”

The path is waaaayyy too deep.

Way to look at the camera Van Damme.

Ozone bursts in with his sextuple chin move.

It’s a huge success with Adam.

Adam is wondering why Kelly isn’t that impressed.

“Did you not see that sextuple chin move!?”

Turbo comes back, chowing down on his bottom lip.

Van Damme looks like he’s trying to photobomb.

Van Damme gets some centerstage action, for about a second.

Kelly gets her goofball on.

Gotta love that Van Damme head bang.

This is the part where we’re introduced to Electro Rock, Ozone’s and Turbo’s street dance nemesis. But those orange speedos are quite distracting.

So basically Electro Rock consist of a sleezball Che’ wannabe named ‘Bruno Pop N’ Taco’ Falcon and this tired cat with the Pink Floyd hat named Timothy ‘Poppin’ Pete’ Solomon.

Van Damme looks like he might go kickboxer on Electro Rock’s asses.

Either that or he just realized he left the coffee pot on.

Pop N’ Taco starts off strong with his own chin move.

Ozone really don’t like people stealing his moves.

Ozone is starting to feel really threatened. The crowd seems pissed as well, except for that one guy who seems to be blown away.

Ozone looks like he might throw up on this dude, Jamie Kennedy style.

As the group leaves, Van Damme gives one last look of scorn, vowing to get revenge.

“Yo, Pop N’ Taco’s ass looked kinda funny.”

“Oh please Adam.”

“You don’t even like boobies..”

“I love the boobies!”

“Speaking of boobies….wait, Kelly, where you going?”

“I have to go wash my mullet!”

“We gonna call you Special K from now on!”

“Mmmm, girl smells fine!”

To be continued…

3 Comments »

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  1. This is out of control! The animated gifs are insane. Adam is too much. Franco is too… Franco. Man, I can’t wait for more!

    Comment by christoph — 2011.08.21 #

  2. Mad props for this post, not only is it the longest post ever for the shortest amount of screen time, but you gif work has improved by leaps and bounds. I was loving the massive Van Dammage as well. Bravisima.

    Comment by boris — 2011.08.27 #

  3. Whooooaaaaa! Chest bumpin’ and that high steppin’ stalker walk? Grrrreat! Why is Adam wearing a cup with those spandex sweatpants? Too many questions. Too many suggestive glances! I don’t think I’m ready for a part 2… let this one marinate for a while!

    Comment by Matt — 2011.08.28 #

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