Fast and Furious: 2bros 2gether, again.

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Y’all thought I forgot about my old faithful, the Fast Franchi$e, but I assure that I have not. This grill casserole has been in the oven for quite some time, its not loaded with peas and rice and shit, just pure unfiltered grill magic. Homeboy Campos (John Ortiz) is ready to get this show on the road. I myself am pretty much ready to get this show on the road. Let’s do this.

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Toretto (Vin Diesel)  is in his pre-race relaxation state. The calm before the storm if you will.

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He just turned on some Dutty Rock by Sean Paul. Now he’s ready to take on the world.

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Uhh, you know what it is….Everything I do, I do big. Fenix (Laz Alonso) is also getting his nod on.

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Toretto is fondling that NOS® knob a little too eagerly if you ask me.

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Diesel is getting a bad feeling right about now.

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Maybe its cause Fenix is got a full face “Ima pull a gun on you!” thing going on.

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It’s a shame he’s holding the gun out so far, I was hoping to use the tag “Guns held close to chest” on this post.

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Fenix notices Toretto out of the corner of his eye.

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“Did you say something to me Toretto??” Fenix angrily inquired.

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*silence*

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“I smell something funny.”

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“You just farted didn’t you brah?”

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“No…..”

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“……Yes” Toretto shamefully admitted.

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In order to protect Toretto’s honor, O’Conner (Paul Walker) decides he’s only got one choice….

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… to start blasting fools with his baby-Uzi.

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Look at how closely he’s holding that gun to his chest. I LOOOOOOOVE IT!!!

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O’Conner is happy to be back with his old flame Mia (Jordana Brewster), and his number one broseph Dominic.

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While Dom was throwing back his Corona Extra ®.

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He realizes that no one blessed the shitty Chinese food they were eating, so he slammed down his Corona Extra ® so he could get his grace saying on.

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O’Conner tells Dom that he was working with Letty (Dom’s longtime lover) when she got straight up murdered by Fenix.

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This news upsets Dominic.

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O’Conner keeps trying to get out of Toretto’s clutches, but he ain’t letting go.

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“How could you do this to me bro??” Toretto pleaded.

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“I’m sorry Dom!!! I’M SARRRRRY!!!” screamed Brian.

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“But she’s gone Brian, she’s not coming back!!” Dom replied loudly.

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While Mia was screaming at the two of them to stop rolling around on the ground with each other, she dropped this grill gem on us. Fortunately for us they don’t stop.

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Dom fights like an aggressive caveman, and Brian is more like a cat that goes to its back and swings its legs furiously at you.

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Dom was going to throw another punch, but he realized that he was becoming bored of this exercise.

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Paul Walker’s legs look like they are from a mannequin or something as Diesel is about to jackknife him.

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We’re now at the point in the post where Paul Walker tries to win it all.

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“Dom, don’t jackknife me bro.” Brian asks politely.

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“LETTY WAS…”

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“MMMMMMM…”

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“FRRRRR…”

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*emotion*

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“FFFFRIEND!!!”

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“TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

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“I love you Dom, let’s got kill that puta bitch that killed Letty together… in Part Four (of Four).” said Brian.

See Y’all, later for the end of the 4fast 4furious grill excursion.

– Boris

2 thoughts on “Fast and Furious: 2bros 2gether, again.”

  1. This post made me realize I (eventually) need to re-watch this one.

    For example, I have no recollection of O’Conner wielding a baby uzi, let alone so close to his chest. Incredible!

    I have nothing but the utmost respect for the Toretto family morals. No matter how dirty their meal, they have time for a confused part latin, part italian serious prayer moment. Man, the cut right from Lo Mein to “Whoa Mang!” rigid-armed choke hold is a thing of beauty. I love the fact we can see Dom’s pursed lips from behind his head. Also, that Brian’s only rebuttal is to try and dribble Dom’s head.

    Like a lizard that breaks off it’s tail in fear, Brian seems to detach his muppet legs after wrapping them around Dom’s neck. I want there to be a deleted scene that cuts back to a wide angle of Dom tossing a limp, full bodied O’Conner dummy across the room, collapsing in an anatomically incorrect manner against the wall and floor.

    I really wish they played that “what-cho watch-yo watchyo BACK!” song during this scene as a throwback to the first movie.

    Dom’s “emotion” face agrees.

  2. This is good. That first gif of Dom head bobbin’ is tight. And man, I don’t remember that baby uzi part either. Good stuff. And check out Dom’s Corono Extra- he must have set that thing down mad fast once he realized no one said grace. It’s foaming over. The gif with Brian squashing Dom’s Tempur-Pedic® vacant face is killing me. Matt, your muppet-legs comment slayed me too. Can’t wait for part 4!

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