Golden Grillz 2013 Part II


I know it’s only been about a week since Part I went up, but y’all knew I couldn’t stay away too long. Now it’s time at last for the MVG (Most Valuable Griller) to be crowned. So far it’s a three legged race between Robert Downey Jr, doing spectacular work as always. However, not to be outshone, is young upstart Bradley Cooper, making a spirited run for the title. Last but certainly not least, as if being Bond wasn’t cool enough, Daniel Craig is a front runner for the hallowed title of MVG.


President Bill Clinton happily endorses all three of those choices with a hearty thumbs up.


Will Ferrell is trying perhaps a little too hard. He doesn’t quite realize it, but Kristen Wiig seems to have.


Jack Black is tickled by Ferrell’s feeble attempt to impress me with his grills.


So is pretty much everybody else except Tommy Lee Jones, who can been seen here working on some sunflower seeds.


Again Will, too much, and you’ve even managed to bring Kristen down with you. You should be ashamed of yourself.


Hugh Jackman is enjoying the show regardless. A lesser man would have been annoyed at not being mentioned at the top as an MVG contender, but not Hugh. He will now make me consider him for the title.


That’s just textbook “Vacant Face” Hugh, really impressive.


Wow, would you look at that versatility, this guy really can do anything. Be it acting, singing, dancing, or omega level grilling.


At this point I’m scared for Quentin Tarantino’s wife, cause that image is flat out terrifying.


Q seems to have become less scary once he made it up to the stage to collect his Best Original Screenplay award. Still not looking too great.


Jonah Hill on the other hand has never looked more svelte.


Check out these two dinosaurs, who make up for the fact that neither of them can move their faces by engaging in a quick round of Body Movin’.


Not so much a grill here, more a showcase of Claire Danes’ faux humility. Also, what is Stoneface McGee thinking wearing a white tie with a white dress shirt? This isn’t a P. Diddy White Party.


Homeland’s Damien Lewis is not really interested in earning the MVG title, he will settle for his Best Actor TV Drama trophy.


Matt Lauer is no doubt creepin’ on a potential side piece while clapping for Lewis’ win. Scum….baggin’!!


Hugh is up to his usual tricks, while Les Miserables director Tom Hooper faintly moves the hair from his eyes. The Office star John Krasinski is content to over smile in the background.


Sacha Baron Cohen is killing them softly out in the crowd, as seen below.


Jackman is laughing so hard, that current day optics can’t capture him in focus. His wife is joining in just over his shoulder, for a double Jackman surprise. Anne Hathaway seems concerned.


Luckily for us, Cohen’s joke ran its course thus allowing for some in-focus Jackmajesty.


Having run out of “edgy” jokes, Sacha resorts to making faces.


Mark Wahlberg either thinks the faces are funny or simply can’t breath because his collar is cutting off his oxygen supply. This is a textbook “Triple Head” grill, a Wahlberg, Buscemi, and Daniels Associates special.


Aziz Ansari has them dead legs, from too much Moet, forcing Jason Bateman to bear his burden of walking himself onto the stage.


I’d say he’s handling himself with stellar aplomb. Ansari can’t keep his shit together, but we love him anyway.


If you don’t settle down Aziz, they’re gonna ask you to host next year.


The same suggestion that fills Aziz with hope and wonder, quietly boils Bateman’s blood to molten hot magma levels. I think you’d be a great host Jason.


Oh hi there Zooey Deschanel, enjoy the show, you probably won’t be accepting this award.


But amateur actor Lena Dunham will be walking away with a statue tonight. Her presence seems to have lifted Bateman’s spirits considerably.


Glenn Close has traveled far, far past the Permasmile® threshold, straight into Sloppy Town.


Robert Downey Jr. is now introducing the Cecil B. DeMille Lifetime Achievement award to close friend Jodie Foster. Ever the showman that he is, this platform gave him a chance to leave me with some grills to judge for the nights biggest prize.


Such facial control, Robert, just breathtaking.


RDJ is getting the accolades from me but he has yet to be acknowledged by the crowd for his grill acumen.


The crowd has finally caught up to me, as showcased brilliantly by P. Diddy and the always lovely Olivia Munn.


Mel Gibson unfortunately killed not only his career, but also his sense of humor.


Jon Hamm on the other hand knows comedy gold when he sees it.


You doing alright there Bill? I’m not sure if it’s actually you or a wax sculpture wearing that turrible bowtie.


MVG contenders are just laying in the weeds, as Jon Hamm is displaying. But wait, do you hear that?

music-notesWho will join in my crusade? Who will be strong and stand as MVG?music-notes


music-notesSomewhere beyond the Golden Globes is there a grill you long to see?music-notes


“Ladies and Gentlemen, we have all walked a long, arduous road to this point. Yet, as we near the end, only one can stand as MVG. Daniel Day Lewis may win the Oscar, but he shall never lay claim to the Golden Grillz 2013 Most Valuable Griller title, an honor that can only be bestowed upon to one man…”


“Jean Grilljean himself, HUGH JACKMAN!!!” Dustin Hoffman bellowed at the top of his lungs.


“No shit!! It’s all been worth it, my entire career up to this point. I’ve MADE it!!! I don’t know what else to say.” Hugh shouted towards the rooftop.


“I can’t even begin to thank everyone responsible, I’m just entirely overwhelmed right now.” Hugh admitted.


Where words run dry, grills flow like waterfalls.


Ever the showman, Hugh just gives and gives. He represents the best of us. It brings me great pleasure to crown him MVG. In a year of incredible performances from the contenders, the renaissance man from down under proved that he belongs alone at the top of the mountain.


“Last of all I want to thank the Bradley Coopers, Jon Hamms, and Robert Downey Jr’s of the world, for keeping me honest, and humble. This award really belongs to us all.” Hugh humbly confessed.




“Well played mate….well played.” RDJ thought.

Congratulations Hugh, you’ve earned it.

Friends forever,

John Boris




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