Happy Malentine’s Day 2015!

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Happy Belated Malentine’s Day! I know, I know, it’s a year late. You have my deepest apologies, and I hope you enjoy what I’ve finally cooked up for you: 1988’s Rambo III.

While reading this post, I sincerely encourage you to fire up Bill Medley’s perennial classic, “Scrumpf of My Brother” – the theme to Rambo III:

[As a side note, last year’s Malentine’s Day post also featured a Bill Medley hit.]

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The story starts with John Rambo paying the bills by participating in some underground street fightin’, man. G-sevaaaauugn!!

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Damn, the locals got that bloodlust.

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Or is it a lust for wild grills?

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Either way, John Rambo is more than happy to oblige.

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Or maybe they’d prefer Jesus Stallone.

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Oh hi, Kurtwood Smith.

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You are the true Hector Hammond, as evidenced by that fivehead you’re sporting.

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“John Rambo can ride a horse? I do not believe you.”

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Never underestimate John Rambo.

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“Huzzah!”

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In order to remain unseen, John Rambo begins flapping his hair, creating a large dust cloud.

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Here’s a random guy getting Shot While Shooting.

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Cuts like a knife… but it feels so right.

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Whoops, looks like John Rambo isn’t happy with my Bryan Adams reference.

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Here’s a great sequence where John Rambo hangs on to the underside of a tank while it drags him through the enemy compound.

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Or maybe he’s bench pressing the tank? It’s hard to tell.

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Is he making love to the tank? Uh.. ok, let’s move on.

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Back to runnin’ and gunnin’.

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Holding that rifle close to his chest.

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Ka-Boom!

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Va-Va-Voom!

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Maybe it’s Maybelline™.

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Bustin’ presleys.

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By the way, John Rambo loves using the blindfire tactic.

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John RamBRO does a few quick dips in this open manhole. I’m sarry.

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Once again, John Rambo is not pleased with my sense of humor.

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John Rambo fails miserably while trying to light a fart on fire.

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“I thought it woulda been a good goof- AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!”

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Fake Kiefer Sutherland.

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The Melancholy Mercs. The Pensive Patrol. The Bummer Boyz.

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Stunt Coordinator: “You’re going to have the urge to stick your tongue out while he’s choking the life outta you. Resist that urge.”

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“Amateur.”

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So this fight starts out with John Rambo present.

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Then he’s suddenly this guy. Could be Stallone, but I’m not 100% convinced.

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Pretty sure that is NOT Stallone.

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And now Copland is back. Ok.

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Stunt Coordinator: “You’re going to have the urge to stick your tongue out while you’re picking that lock. Resist that urge.”

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“Duh, what dat?”

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Why, it’s a dummy, you dummy!

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Doggin’ it.

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John Rambo pulls out his signature compound bow + explosive tipped arrows. Let’s see what he’s about to wreck.

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A model? They didn’t even paint out the wire, come on guys.

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Renegade- comin’ at ya!

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John Rambo lurks in the shadows.

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Whoa sorry about this crotch shot.

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Man it’s such a weird shot. The dude’s kiester is practically buffing the camera lens while he bends completely over. Just thinking about it sends John Rambo into a state of peaceful tranquility.

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What follows is an Xtremely masculine set of grills, throbbing with testosterone, perfect for this- or any, Malentine’s Day.

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Back to blastin’ fools. Check out that dookie stance.

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More runnin’ and gunnin’.

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John Rambo retracts his neck into his chest to compensate for the recoil.

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Going with the blindfire technique again.

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Here’s a wide shot, for the kids.

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Is that what I think it is?

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Yes, it’s a Molotov Olde English, a most devastating weapon. Perhaps THE most devastating.

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So let it be written. So let it be done. And may all your Malentine’s Day wishes come true!

Love,

-christoph

 

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