In American Face-Off Round: 1 the winner was clearly Patrick Bateman (Christian Bale). Before he could raise his eyebrows in furrowed victory, I told legend of one man who could knock him off his oily faced pedestal. Yet, in spite of my endorsement of the challenger, there he sits exuding supreme confidence. He is emotionless, dare I say…plastic. But I digress, without further ado I give you the number one contender…
Patrick Bateman (Christian Bale) is a rich, nice, and all round good guy living in New York City who, because of his grill prowess, can’t help but strut around with supreme confidence. Here he is out the gates hitting us with a basic yet well cooked grill. Note how the perfectly aligned eyebrows go hauntingly well with the angled stripes of his shirt. The man can accessorize with his face! Brilliant!
Meet Ken Levine, creative director of some awesome games like Bioshock: Infinite. He also creates grillz and plenty of them. Recently E3 happened, and Ken Levine was there to show off his new grill work in a bevy of interviews, and to say the least, they’re impressive.
I have emotions, I really do.
We’re taking another trip back to Tokyo, for part three. Twink (Bow Wow) is so excited he looks almost on the verge of tears. Everything is going great for our heroes.
Well, last year’s Malentine’s Day was certainly lacking, but I hope to make up for that with this year’s installment. Previously, we have been graced by the grills of The Great Chuck Norris, President Arnold Schwarzenegger (a guy can dream, can’t he?), and his Hairyness, The Emperor of Asia, Sensei Steven Seagal. This will be our fourth Malentine’s Day together. Now, the traditional gift would be fruit or flowers; the modern gift, appliances. Keeping that in mind, I proffer to you, from the bottom of my heart, The Genie of Death, he who grants not three Death Wishes, but five, the late Sir Charles Bronson. His first gift to you is titled, “The grill before the storm.”