“Well Stu, I’ve gotta tell you, I had a lotta rough breaks out there, but I have a feeling in the end things are gonna go my way, huhuhuh yeaah.”
The year: 1991.
The setting: Sunny California.
Weather conditions: Perfect.
Bromance Factor™: Sweltering.
In case you haven’t figured it out already, this year’s Malentine’s Day treat is brought to you by our friend Point Break. According to Wikipedia, the film was originally set to star Matthew Broderick and Charlie Sheen, with Ridley Scott directing. Lucky for us, that abomination never saw the light of day.
Y’all thought I forgot about my old faithful, the Fast Franchi$e, but I assure that I have not. This grill casserole has been in the oven for quite some time, its not loaded with peas and rice and shit, just pure unfiltered grill magic. Homeboy Campos (John Ortiz) is ready to get this show on the road. I myself am pretty much ready to get this show on the road. Let’s do this.
Welcome back, sports fans! In the true spirit of Malentine’s Day, I think it’s high time we laid the bromance on THICK. So let’s start by checking in on our dashing heroes, in the short moments that led to their first fateful encounter.
As most people know by now, LeBron “King” James held a prime-time TV special/press conference to announce where he would be taking his basketball services last week. The King had spent his entire seven year career in Cleveland playing for the Cavaliers. He has also spent his entire life in Ohio since he was born and raised in nearby Akron. Let’s see if he made the “right” choice, or the “selfish” one.
Well, last year’s Malentine’s Day was certainly lacking, but I hope to make up for that with this year’s installment. Previously, we have been graced by the grills of The Great Chuck Norris, President Arnold Schwarzenegger (a guy can dream, can’t he?), and his Hairyness, The Emperor of Asia, Sensei Steven Seagal. This will be our fourth Malentine’s Day together. Now, the traditional gift would be fruit or flowers; the modern gift, appliances. Keeping that in mind, I proffer to you, from the bottom of my heart, The Genie of Death, he who grants not three Death Wishes, but five, the late Sir Charles Bronson. His first gift to you is titled, “The grill before the storm.”